"Jane! Stop this crazy thing!"
-- George Jetson

Washington, D.C. was so humid that summer day in '79, even the mosquitoes were perspiring. It was all Tipper could do to stir the lemonade without breaking into a full sweat. Al, on the other hand, was cool and dry as he held court on the veranda. The dozen or so guests gathered for the barbecue fanned themselves and basked in the intellectual small talk. "The world is moving so fast, Al," drawled one Southern belle. "It's all I can do to keep up with things."

"Yes. Fast," said Al, slowly, hissing his Ss. "New information comes at us like it's flying down some superhighway."

"Information on a superhighway!" the belle declared. "Why, Mr. Gore, how descriptive. I can see it now, bus loads of information headed in all directions!"

Yes! Someday, Al thought to himself, hissing his Ss. Someday, I'll be on that bus.

Anyone who has ever ridden a bus from, say, Scranton to Poughkeepsie knows how awful a bus can be. It stops at every post office, tree stump and greasy spoon and turns a two-hour drive into a twelve-hour nightmare. You can bet the house that the fattest, grimiest, most obnoxious person in the world will plop right down next to you and start eating a salami sandwich.

Still, a bus is the best way to get to Poughkeepsie if you don't happen to have a corporate jet. A bus is bumpy and stinky, but it is reliable.

GOTTA HAVE IT?

Here's a guarantee you can take to the bank. The moment you turn on a brand spanking new, cutting edge techno gadget it will, for all intents and purposes, be obsolete.

Technology is changing so rapidly these days that they don't have enough time to get production rolling on one product when another comes along that's twice as fast, twice as good and half the price.

Some manufacturers rub this right in your face. The modem that was bundled with my new (now completely obsolete) computer had a card attached to it that read: "Dear Moron, You just bought a worthless piece of wire and plastic. But! If you send us $89.95 we'll send you our new top-of-the-line pile of junk!"

Needless to say, the check is not in the mail.

Don't despair. Use the equipment you have and be happy with it. If it suits your needs it was worth every penny you paid for it. But if you just can't stand owning the techno-equivalent of a '75 Plymouth Duster, get something new. And stop whining about it!

And for gosh sakes, send an email to Vice President Al Gore and tell him that, yes, summers in D.C. are humid and miserable, but November just about anywhere is no time to trudge out of the house and go to some humid elementary school gymnasium or to the garage of some paint-peeled old house in your neighborhood and VOTE. And if he'd please push through some legislation this year allowing us to vote from a web page we'd surely appreciate it, and of course we'll vote for him and what's-his-name.

Tell him you'll even register for the Democratic Party or any other thing he wants you to, and to go ahead and put you down for about $800 to the re-election fund. (Don't worry, there's some shareware out there that will charge this to Bill Gate's personal account on the Microsoft Network, which he pays by direct deposit right out of his savings account.)

You see, they always blame low voter turnout on something called voter apathy. But if we can vote without having to leave the house or even putting on a pair of pants, everyone can vote and still be apathetic! And that's the kind of thing that will make America great again.